I’m gonna marry her anyway

It’s 2 p.m. and somewhere in Miami there’s a throng of gays and lesbians scrambling to find rings and making impromptu bouquets. My heart is filled with overwhelming joy and can’t wait to see my basic cable channels flooded with images of happy couples kissing on the six o’clock news.

To clarify, what is happening is that a judge has allowed same-sex marriages to take place throughout Florida – even though there is an appeal pending.

Like a dark cloud over a gay pride parade, I can’t help but look up at that appeal and wonder if it’s going to ruin Lady Bunny’s make up.

I’m not sure that’s the right analogy.


I’m just a bit concerned. This is the state of Florida. Strange things happen here. For example, on the heels of this announcement five counties have stopped marrying people all together. That’s right straight people of Duval County, you can’t get a quick courthouse wedding – how does it feel to be on the other end of the Lady Gaga stick now?

Something interesting does happen when you can’t really marry the person you love, and that is you learn to improvise.

Very early into our relationship, when I was still trying to impress her with my audaciousness, I convinced her to attend a pagan festival that honored the harvest moon. Several times we avoided each other’s glances to prevent embarrassing giggle attacks, except when we were invited to light a candle together and quietly set our intentions. There was something about that moment – one that we still talk about today – that felt like we were at our own wedding.

She is of the opinion that I orchestrated that whole thing to trick her into marrying me under some New Age binding spell, but I’m simply not that clever.

A few years after that, we proudly drove to the nearest Kinko’s (before the FedEx merger) and had our Miami-Dade County Domestic Partnership affidavit notarized by a lovely woman named Yosneidy who tried her best not to give us the side-eye.

Six weeks later we received our certificate, which, in case of an emergency, I could show to a nurse at Hialeah Hospital in the instance that she wouldn’t let me in the room to see the Librarian. Luckily, I’ve never had to use it. Mainly because I’m the one that is constantly injured and the Librarian is always needed in the room to translate my ailments in a way that doesn’t make me sound like I have Munchausen.

And a few years after that, we celebrated the accomplishment of our tenth anniversary on a white-sand beach and, with the sunset as our only witness, we exchanged bands and promises while barefoot.

So, you see, by my estimation, we’ve been sort-of married many times.

But honestly, I just want to be married-married for real one time.

And as much as I want to mark this historic day with my unofficial wife, it would be too much to bear to have my real, legal marriage taken away from me if the appeal doesn’t go the right way.

At the risk of sounding like a beauty pageant contestant, all I want is for all adults to be able to consensually marry the person they love. It’s not that hard. Ask the Attorney General of Florida, she’s done it twice (and twice divorced).

It seems like all signs are finally pointing in the right direction, so I’ve decided to begin chilling that champagne bottle a dear friend gave me expressly to open on the day when I finally got married.

In the meantime, I wait, I watch, I celebrate those who are much braver than me. Those willing to take the risk of having it all taken away. I’m grateful to them and are in awe of their strength.

This future Bridezilla wishes you Mazel tov!

1044074_392346337538152_831522883_n (for now)

Five days of gratitude: All you need is

Today marks the second day of publicly expressing my gratitude for the things I have and don’t have. Truly, I took on this challenge because it seemed simple enough, but it’s turning into quite a humbling experience – which is epic for someone born under the sign of Leo.

Without further delay, today’s thank you note to the universe is dedicated to love. And not easy love. Not fairy-tale, we-just-clicked love. I’m thankful for a love that was tough to tame. A love that was and still is constantly judged and measured by both people that know me and those that will never have the pleasure.

I’m grateful to live out an improbable love story filled with joy, laughter and a healthy amount of drama and mishaps with someone as smart, as good and as hot as The Librarian.


Second, I’m grateful for the Honorable Robert Hinkle, a federal judge that ruled the Florida marriage ban was unconstitutional. Not having the right to marry for the past 13 years is pretty frustrating, but more importantly, there are families out there that urgently need equal protection for the sake of the children. But, thanks to this judge with a name that rhymes with tinkle, perhaps there can finally be some resolution on this issue in our state.

And third, I’m grateful for not knowing what is going to happen next. I can’t be certain that I’ll ever be able to marry The Librarian. I’m not very convinced she even wants to marry me. But knowing the answers to these questions would take away all of the excitement of waiting to see what the next day brings to our relationship. I would, however, really like to know what happens when she locks the door to the bathroom.

It’s been 13 years, can you please let me in?


Ding-Dong DOMA and Prop8 are dead

It was Jay-Z who said, “Hoping for the best, but expecting the worst/Are you gonna drop the bomb or not?”

And that’s kind of how I felt this morning. Until about 10:03 a.m. when the SCOTUSBlog.com flashed, “We Got DOMA.”

Although they meant it as “We got the decision on DOMA,” I took it as we the people got, as in took down, that ridiculous law. At that point it didn’t matter what they meant. The fact was that we had won. The rest was a blur. Phone calls and messages began pouring in. And then the Prop8 icing on the cake – although a slightly smaller win, it’s a win indeed and we’ll take it.

It seemed surreal to be watching history unfold from behind a computer screen, unable to scream for fear of scaring the nice people right outside my office. But, in the end it was okay. Because the internet served as my megaphone, and the megaphone of so many others. Here were a few of my favorite moments:




(originally appeared on BOUNDmag.com)

What a day! Mark your calendars: 6-26-13 is our new anniversary. And it’s a joyful one. One that makes our hearts burst with pride, which is a wonderful contrast from the other anniversaries we keep – like the anniversary of  our martyrs Harvey Milk, Matthew Shepard and Brandon Teena, or the date of the Stonewall Riots.

No. Today is not about honoring the fallen, but about pushing the movement forward. We did it. Together, we influenced public opinion, we broke through closets, mainstreamed drag culture, and now California’s Proposition 8 and the discriminatory Defense of Marriage Act both crumbled before our eyes.

Marriages in California are expected to begin again soon. And, lawfully-married couples living in the 13 states that allow same-sex marriages will soon have equal access to all the federal rights and benefits based on marital status. For married couples living in states without marriage equality, there is less clarity. So, that means that our work isn’t completely done. We must rally the remaining 37 states to join the rest of the country.

We must do this together. Because, like I always say, alone we are isolated, but together we are BOUND. Marriage BOUND.



(orginally appeared on People.com)

Matthew Shepard’s mom weeps over gay marriage ruling. He asked me if I thought gay couples would ever be allowed to get married and he wasn’t at all optimistic it would happen. He was in a mindset of, ‘People are never going to accept us or understand us,'” she says. “I wish he’d been here to see it.”



(orignally appeared on Banana Republic’s Facebook page)

As a San Francisco based-brand, we celebrate the Supreme Court’s ruling moving California forward on the road to marriage equality.

We support love for all & invite you to participate in our#BRLove4All contest. Couples—same and opposite sex—are invited to share their photos for the chance to be outfitted by Banana Republic for their nuptials (or other special occasion).

Enter Now: http://bit.ly/19tOELX