FROM: ADMINISTRATION [email@example.com]
TO: ALL STAFF [firstname.lastname@example.org]
DATE: TUE DECEMBER 1, 2008 10:46 AM
SUBJECT: HOLIDAY GIFT EXCHANGE
It is that time of year again! This year we’ve decided to make some changes to our traditional gift exchange because of the economy and, well, all of your incessant complaining and whining. We have decided to go with the retro-styled Secret Santa instead of the White Elephant gift exchange that we did last year, as Eloise from Processing has a serious problem with stealing – even if it is part of a game.
We thought about playing musical chairs like we did the year before, but Jeremy from Maintenance was injured when trying to sit in the chair with the biggest present and he put in a worker’s comp claim, which we are still paying for. For those of you that haven’t been with us a long time, we discontinued the holiday pot luck because three years ago we were all hospitalized for food poising, except for Matilde from Acquisitions.
Below I have provided the rules approved by Legal.
SECRET SANTA (Santa Secreto*)
PARTICIPATION Participation is voluntarily mandatory. By working here, you have volunteered to participate. If you strenuously object to participating and being a team player, please send written notice to HR. They will place your letter in your file and use it against you during your yearly review.
ASSIGNMENT We have submitted all of your social security numbers in a database and then scrambled the order. Then, we put everyone’s name in another database and scrambled the order. Then, we matched a random social security number with a random name. We will post the list in the cafeteria for everyone to see.
GIFT Gifts must be gender neutral** and tasteful***.
COST You are required to spend a minimum/maximum of $9.99****.
EXCHANGE We will be hosting the exchange on December 24th at 5:00pm in the west conference room. Refreshments and cake provided.
If you have any questions or comments, please email the Help Desk at email@example.com.
~Happy Holidays from Aweseome Company!
*Para las reglas de participación en español, por favor contacte a Mari de Armas del departamento de mercadeo internacional.
**Unless you recognize the social security of the person assigned to you.
***Gifts must be opened in front of the entire group. Illegal items will be reported.
****Sales tax not included. Exceptions will only be allowed if you cannot find anything at that price or your “Secret Santa” is your boss** or your employee**.
This was the last of a three-part series poking fun at the holidays as celebrated in offices across the nation.