If I could, I would, but I can’t

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Words are lethal to feelings. That’s why we are all so careful with them. That’s why we freak out when someone says something a little harsh. But if I could…if I could say exactly what I feel without disregard or consequence, maybe I would. But, really, I can’t.

So I’ve kept a list. A random list of cut downs. One that I would really never use on anyone. Nor recommend that you would actually say them out loud. But, I thought we could both share them in the silence of written and read words.

  • If it was legal, I would hunt you for sport.
  • Procreation is the only way you’ll realize how ugly you really are.
  • One less of you will really help alleviate traffic.
  • You are dumb. No seriously. You are…how can I put this…dumb.
  • If you touch me one more time I’ll vomit in your lap.
  • Just because you wasted your life, doesn’t mean you can waste everybody else’s.
  • Your kids are ugly.
  • You’re a freak of nature. No. Don’t laugh, I’m serious. A freak. Like the elephant man.
  • You have something on your shirt. Oh, my bad, it’s just the trailer park.
  • You have bad breath. So bad, it makes my eyes water. As a matter of fact I feel like a little bit of acid reflux comes up in the back of my throat when I take a whiff. And the only reason I’m taking a whiff is because I can no longer hold my own breath. Seriously. Brush your teeth.
  • I don’t get it. You’re not good looking, you’re not smart, you’re not rich. So why are you so arrogant? Were you over-praised as a child?
  • Does your wife know that you harass women from your work truck? Maybe I should call the number painted on the side and tell her myself.
  • Just because you love your country doesn’t mean you’re qualified to understand it.
  • If all you know is what your parents taught you and insist on repeating it, then you’re a parrot.
  • Dude, it’s okay. There’s no reason to over compensate. We know you’re really gay – and it’s okay.
  • Dude, it’s okay. There’s no reason to over compensate. We know you’re really gay and dim – and, it’s okay.
  • I wish I can give you shaken baby syndrome.
  • It must be hard driving a car after so many years driving a burro.
  • I don’t care how many you know, you’re not one of us.
  • You shouldn’t be allowed to speak.
  • What language is it that you think you’re speaking?
  • I wish you could see yourself through my eyes.
  • I’m not interested in anything you say. Nothing. Not a thing. Bo-ring. Wake me when you’re done.
  • It’s a shame the hanger missed you.

Ouch.

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    2 responses »

    1. I like the country one!
      I have an addition to the list. Just the other day when Sofi told me that she learned in school that everyone is special in their own way, I had to set her straight. Not everyone is special; that’s a myth. Special people are hard to come by. Everyone else is just plain boring!

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