Tuck and roll

Without any further introduction or explanation other than to tell you that you’re in the middle of a series, I am embarrassed to present the second and third letters of recommendation. As you’ll notice, I didn’t provide any commentary because I am in fact speechless. Well, maybe I did underline some grammatical mistakes and maybe some funny lines. But that’s it.

You can either go back two spaces or wait your turn in jail to figure out what this is all about.

A recommendation to lay at your feet

After much deliberation, I’ve decided to turn a recent plea for employment into a series (If you don’t know what I’m talking about, click on the previous entry). Of course, their identity will be protected. After all, my intention is not to slander, but to learn from their catastrophic mistakes.

Previously, I only mentioned the cover letter – which, like I said, was awesome. Hell, I can’t say it enough, Awe-some. This letter came accompanied by three letters of recommendation. Which is weird to have, “Hi, this is me and these are my friends – er – I mean business associates,” right off the bat. That privilege is extended only after you’ve successfully completed four interviews, two creative assignments and an FBI background check.

The first recommendation letter, which you’ll see below, was beautifully written. The letter’s author mentions how the candidate is just all-around, super-duper. And I would’ve believed him if it wasn’t that he said the candidate was also an excellent writer. 

This brings me to the first lesson in writing a recommendation letter: Know who you are recommending. 

I’m not saying to blatantly out the person you’re recommending as an irresponsible, chronically tardy misspeller. Unless you never want to be asked this favor again (which could be a good thing). I’m just suggesting that you omit that part and concentrate on the person’s attributes – like their pretty eyes, their commitment to showering and how they are easily convinced to do mindless tasks…like writing a recommendation letter.

Without further delay, here is one of the three recommendation letters:

Hi five

Something strange happened today. I felt an urgency to get things done. Things I normally put off. Urgency. Like to take the dog to the vet, wash the comforter, and schedule an oil change. With just five days left until my impending return to the workforce, my tasks were mundane and boring – and it felt good.

Today’s task:

3PM Drop of Dry Cleaning

But without wire hangers, this scene would've never been possible.