Paper news

Herald: a person or thing that precedes or comes before; forerunner; harbinger.

Herald.com: the receptacle of grammatically poor and intellectually flat commentary that sets us back the to The Dark Ages.

I wonder if Henry M. Flagler looked up the definition when he bought The Miami Evening Record and renamed it The Miami Herald. Or maybe he just got the name from an existing paper. And that’s okay. I forgive him for not getting creative with the name of our daily paper, after all he was connecting trains to Key West for Christ’s sake.

I think about Mr. Flagler a lot. Particularly in the mornings when I drive through the 826-836 bridge/merge/mess construction-situation that is happening directly under the exit sign that bears his name. There is another sign too, the one that proudly boasts a completion date of 2016. Clearly the County government and the D.O.T. are aiming to get out of finishing the project, as they’ve projected the end-date after the Apocalypse.

I also think of Mr. Flagler when I visit Herald.com. I used to receive a physical paper, but I ended my subscription on the day I opened the travel section and found a full spread about visiting Egypt – on the same day the State Department issued a travel restriction due to the flipping revolution. Just a minor oversight.

I now subscribe to the New York Times, but I still get some local tidbits from the Herald’s online edition. But, really, I just like to read the comics.

Seriously?

 

This town needs so much more than another Henry M. Flagler.

The Collision of Stupid

The principle of the Collision of Stupid diagrams the three possible results from an argument with a person that is smart or stupid. I developed this theory after witnessing the collision of two stupid people. It was, so far, one of the most awe-inspiring moments of my life.

In honor of Columbus Day and the spirit of Discovery and the destruction of innocence and the way of life, I would like to share my theory with you.  All two of you.

Let’s start with the smart people, as this may include you, the reader.

Two smart people who have a discussion about differing views will result in a each of them slightly changing of their original opinion. A compromise may be reached or further research performed.

A smart person having a discussion with a stupid person always results in the smarter person agreeing with the stupid person just to get out of the conversation. The stupid person goes on thinking they were right. The smart person makes a note never to have a conversation with that stupid person again.

Two stupid people having a discussion with differing views is simply magical.  The argument can last and last and last. The results may range from a fist fight, to tears to never speaking to each other again. Smart people be weary of ever stepping in to mediate between these two. There is no way to do a point/counter-point because they have no point. They just have a statement they are sticking by and repeat it every time more loudly than the last.

Happy day to you all.

A permanent mark

I’m afraid to leave a permanent mark, scar or tear on anything. Something traceable. Something that I am responsible for. Something that is serious, like a piece of work or a child. I believe many  feel the same way, which is why we all loved our twenties. Until we became sour grapes in our thirties and now look back and say ridiculous things like, “I was such a child,” “I didn’t know who I was,” “The only thing I got out of my twenties were six tattoos, a college degree and herpes.”

Well, guess what? That was pretty awesome. You know what else? Nothing we did in our twenties was permanent. Except for the tattoos, but you can get those removed nowadays. And there are treatments for herpes, so you only get an outbreak… ok, but the degree…that’s permanent too.

Wait a minute. It is all coming back to me.

This is exactly why we are all afraid of making a mark – we have Twenties Trauma! We took out loans and credit cards and changed majors and started working and bought cars and co-signed and did everything that could have possibly at some point or another ruin our lives.

Continue reading “A permanent mark”