Press on

If you’re a regular reader, you know that I’ve been on a few interviews. But, I don’t think I’ve ever talked about my experiences on the other side of the table.

That’s right, I’ve interviewed a few candidates in my day. Some more memorable than others. Today I’ll share my favorite three.

1. Repeat after me. The first candidate I remember interviewing and thinking I was on Punk’d was during my short time with an older gentleman that couldn’t get enough of my name. His resume was great, but it did little to prepare me for his comb over and polyester suit. I walked into the conference room and extended my hand for a shake. He quickly clinched my hand with both of his.

I said, “Hello So-and-So, my name is Mari –”

He interrupted, “– Mahrie?”

I said, “Mari, just Mari.”

“Oh, oh,” he responded. “Mahrri. Marrree, Mhahaharrieeeie”

It was over for him before it even started.

2. I married him. For a candidate interviewing for a creative position not to bring in a portfolio of their work is certain doom. Luckily, that was not the case for this particular woman. She brought in her portfolio. Only the work was her ex husband’s. At least that’s what she said. I had no further questions.

3. Accessory. Dress your best, right? Of course. Women get to accessorize their outfits with pretty stone necklaces and dainty bracelets. Oh, and we get to wear make-up and earrings. And if it’s really serious we can even wear an up-do. Wait, I almost forgot the manicure. That’s right, we get to show off our hands with a fresh manicure. So, it’s no surprise that this particular female candidate arrived to her appointment dressed in a perfectly matched suit, heels and purse.

Only, she had one Lee Press-On Nail stuck to the lapel of her jacket. Just one.

The best part: she already had 10 perfectly manicured press-on nails on her fingers.

So, here’s what I think happened.

She got up in the morning, took a shower, got dressed. Put on make-up and her Lee Press-On Nails, got in the car and drove to the interview. She found a great spot with fifteen minutes to spare. She took a deep breath and unbuckled her seat belt. Only the belt snapped off one of her nails and sent her into a panic. “Where did it go, where did it go?” She must have said as she looked all around the floor of her car. But, then she remembered that she had packed a few extra nails in her purse. So, she quickly glued one on her naked finger and ran inside the building, feeling satisfied with her preparedness.

Only it was really like a scene out of “There’s Something About Mary,” but I couldn’t pretend that the nail was hair gel. I just had to sit there and not stare at it. The nail on her lapel.

Interviews are hard. Whatever side of the table you sit on. You just have to press on until you find your fit or until you nail it.

Oh that was bad.