Hair color blind

I’ve started a new project.

Only because I need a break from my other project that I can’t seem to finish, which technically was started  when I couldn’t finish the first project that started this whole screen writing business.

Apologies if that last sentence confused you.

All you need to know is that as of now, I’m writing a romantic comedy.

Romantic comedy films are not my preferred genre. They are not my preferred anything. But, that’s probably because there hasn’t been a movie that truly spoke to me in the way that “Pretty Woman” spoke to up-and-coming prostitutes looking for love.

So, I’ve set out to write a script about a love story between two women (SPOILER ALERT) with a happy ending.

In my initial research, I read a couple of scripts and watched a bunch of lesbian movies – a terribly tough job that I wouldn’t wish on even the most devout Westboro Baptish Church member (although I get the feeling they’ve probably seen more lesbian movies than me). Well, as I slaved away, making notes of what I liked and didn’t like, I noticed something. No, not that one of the lesbians always dies a tragic death, although that was very much the case. I noticed that the couple consisted of, for the most part, a blonde and a brunette.

But wait, it gets even weirder.

The blonde generally played the part of the “straight girl” seduced by the brunette, alpha female.

What does this all mean? Are blondes just waiting to be swept off their feet by an aggressive brunette lesbian? Or worse. Are all blondes straight until they meet the right brunette lesbian? And, more importantly, I’m a brunette with ombre blonde streaks. What kind of a mixed message am I sending out?

I’m sure there are countless of scholarly papers out there explaining the psychology behind hair color, or why Wonder Woman was a brunette, or why both gentlemen and lesbians prefer blondes, but I’m not going to read them. This little exercise provided enough evidence for me to make a decision that will revolutionize the romantic comedy genre and most likely win an Oscar in the hair and make-up category.

I’ve decided to make both characters wear chef hats. This way there will finally be a movie that explores the human condition to love and be loved regardless of a woman’s hair color.