Everybody wants to rule the world

For some time now, I’ve made a habit of carrying around a pocket-sized notebook. Within its pages, I scribble random thoughts in incomplete sentences. Sometimes when I’m eavesdropping on people, I transcribe their conversation. Other times, I simply write about my daily observations in the form of rules to live by and theories to experiment on, such as:

1. Distrust users of the word synergy, and all of its variations.

2. Wearing credentials at an event tells the world you are important, unless it reads “Visitor.”

3. Humane Society volunteers are more noble than public school teachers.

4. If you’re juicing, fasting and/or cleansing, make plans to go out to dinner with your friends to feel better about yourself.

5. Basic personal space costs serious amounts of money.

6. Billy Joel inspires grown-ups to drink and dance who otherwise don’t. That’s why the tickets are so expensive.

7. Clapping in rhythm is a simple activity most people take for granted.

8. Brunch is a great way to pay too much for shitty eggs.

9. Hindu iconography will add depth and meaning to your interior decor.

10. The correct response to everything that lady says is, “That’s so interesting.”