Farcebook

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Late last year I came up with a list of random and inappropriate messages to post on the Facebook walls of my unsuspecting friends. At the time I had exactly 365 friends, and because I was in need of a resolution for the New Year, I decided to make it the challenge for 2012 to post one message on one wall every single day.

These are a few of the actual messages:

There was one message that was deleted before I could take a screen shot:

“Hey, I just did the math and the bill came out to $32.84. Let me know when you want to get together so you can pay me back. ”

I could see how that would make someone uncomfortable. I’m glad I didn’t use “Thanks for the herpes!” Surely that would have been grounds for unfriendment.

Like with all of my resolutions, I gave up halfway through January. I think it was last year when I challenged myself not to eat at a restaurant that was part of a chain, but before the month was out I chowing down on a Grand Slam. And the year before that I swore off drinking, but when that didn’t work I amended my resolution and swore off drinking whiskey (which I don’t like anyway).

Needless to say, I didn’t really have high expectations to complete my 2012 challenge.

Today, while looking for a file on my computer, I came across that list I compiled late last year and it made me want to pick up where I left off. The thought of punking someone everyday made me giddy.

But, alas, I’m too lazy.

If you, however, are slightly more motivated and have a similarly twisted sense of humor – and have an axe to grind with people who send you invitations to milk their cows, join their high school feed, answer quizzes, add their calendar, kill Kony, or poke them back – you may be interested in taking over my challenge.

There are only 297 days/posts left in the year, so get to it. Here’s an excerpt of that list to get you started:

  1. Thanks for the herpes!
  2. Hello!/Hello?/Hello??/Are you not speaking to me?/Fine./I hated you anyway.
  3. Did you hear? Prince died.
  4. Hey, I just hung up with the lady from that job. I told her you were great and that I wouldn’t even accept the $100 you offered to give me to say so.
  5. Do you still chew on your toenails?
  6. Congratulations! I heard your surgery was a success.
  7. Were you at La Estancia Motel today? I could’ve sworn I saw your car in the parking lot.
  8. You should be proud of who you are. Don’t be ashamed to let everyone know you’re Mexican.
  9. Let me know if you need help posting bail.
  10. Did you brush your teeth?
  11. Shake it Sh Sh Sh Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture. Now.
  12. I can’t believe you’re getting a face tattoo!! So excited!!
  13. Tune into To Catch a Predator tonight on MSNBC! Wait until you see who they caught!
  14. That rash better not be what I think it is!
  15. Hey, I can’t make it tonight. I have to buy a pregnancy test.
  16. I saw you on the Palmetto this morning! I honked and everything. But you were picking your nose so hard you didn’t notice.
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