On the fourth week of the 2014 FIFA World Cup, we had broken backs, we had broken hearts and were broke from all of the money we lost in the office pool.
Here are the only five things you need to know about this past week in Fußball:
1. In six minutes…
2. Breaking records doesn’t make you popular
3. Helmets are for the weak
I’m fine…I’m fine…I’m not fine.
4. Anuses are meant to be torn
Some unforgettable words from Mascherano: “I spread out my anus in that last tackle, that’s why I felt so much pain”
— Tancredi Palmeri (@tancredipalmeri) July 10, 2014
Javier Mascherano, the same player that continued the game with an apparent concussion also suffered a torn anus, making him the Mr. Bean of the World Cup.
5. Speaking of torn anuses
The 2014 FIFA World Cup Final will be played in Vatican City. May the best pope win.